He Loved Me at My Darkest

CTO

I have not posted here for a while because i have been filtering what I post on the blogosphere and on social media. And when I mean a while, it has been months. 

For so long I have been keeping all the thoughts in. I have posts but they are tamed. Either I am too scared of what people are gonna have to say to what I say or i just don't have any decent thoughts to write about. I really can't give what i do not have so i preferred to stay silent.

I was just nudged back to blog again because I had the sudden urge to come back to writing to express my heart. This time I know i need to post this because I want it out there. 

There are moments in life when we are at our highest and sometimes at our lowest. That is a cliche that most of us already know. Yet, most of us often stay in the "in between". That phase wherein we don't fit in to neither of the two categories. We don't know if we are at our highest or at our lowest. I guess we call that lukewarm.

There are a lot of people going through the same phase in life and are just trying to cover up the scars inside them with filtered images and posts. They are making themselves and other people believe that they are happy and that they have peace within them when infact they are as broken as I am.

Yes. I am broken. I am broken because we live in a broken world.

I know and acknowledge that I am broken on a lot of aspects and angles. My brokenness is something I have learned to embrace because through it I can be made whole. 

Yet, no matter how broken I am this time, my heart is overwhelming with love. I am broken. But I am not empty. 

I had a huge void in my life then, it was so big I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't even know what to fill it with. I was so empty, I thought finding appreciation and attachment in people is the solution. I found comfort in knowing I have other people to depend on and I got good with that. I tried to fill it with material possessions but the shoe never fitted and have always failed.

For so long I was caught captive in the bondage of loving wrongly whether it be people or things. I guess I took the context of love in a different understanding and this blog had been a witness to that. I glorified the idea of love so much that I put it on a pedestal. Forgetting that the power does not come from the word love itself but from someone who actually defined love beyond measure and words.

At a lowest point in my life, when I had nothing and no one left to hold on to, I  felt a tug in my heart. I was gradually drawn back to the loving arms of the one and only being who has demonstrated the epitome of unconditional love to mankind. 

And when I learned the real definition of love, my perspective began to change. I learned that then and there, God is love. 

I have been hearing that all my life not really understanding what it truly meant because no one explained it to me. But I was so fortunate that nobody had to because God demonstrated it to me. 

He overshadowed all definition of the word. When I say God is love, he is the exact definition of the greatest word that ever existed.

Indeed, He loved me at my darkest.