randomness

all the videos here are created by  LSLajos from youtube.

I posted them because i found them creative. Coz i myself wanted to make one video that's like this before.

I first watched the Dance with my father video and i loved it so i am now sharing these wonderful videos to you guys. 

^_^ enjoy listening to them. 

dance with my father animation

sometimes ground meets heaven

you know i a m frustrated artist (painter), drawer, photographer, editor, etc.

And it's actually hard to paint a good one when you don't have any idea what to paint. I miss playing with paints in a canvass coz the last time i did that i was in my 4th year in high school. actually fourth year days are the last days i properly painted something whether on a cardboard or in a canvass. Oh, yeah right, even in 3rd year too, the time when we started painting. I was not good but i just enjoyed it. And i so loved those days wherein i was able to fully express myself thru my works. We even draw and sketch faces then And seems like now i lost the ability to properly draw and sketch faces when infact i can do those things before.

PLus, i miss working on a blueprint.. Wherein i'll have lots of pens and pencils and i'll have my t-square with me. Coz usually then i'll always end up cuddling my t-square till i fell asleep at night. When i can no longer finish my work that i just lie in bed with all the different drafting tools scattered in my bed. Coz one of my dreams is to design my own house. And i know i would have to take architecture first which was one of my first choices before i entered college.

So as i am also frustrated and all with editing... i found one site that offered me the capability to be able to develop my creativity and style in doing my thing not on a real canvass but on the computer. I learned how to edit pictures..^_^ and i have been doing it for 3 years now. I kinda excelled on it i guess at some point.. depending if i am inspired.

I have been thinking to have it as a business but hello.. LOL. Too good to be true.. I don't always have the mood to make one. 

But when i do, i find a little heaven seeing my graphics being used by people who trusts me from my favourite harry potter site, SNitchseeker.And it makes me proud.^_^ We actually use them as character for Roleplays within the website.. And i can say it's one way to release tension but i rarely do it now.  I miss it though. Hmmm. And maqing graphics hau beena great wau for me to expruss my feelings before. As mentioned in my profile i share my works to the site when i have time.

so i might not be able to paint right now nor draw nor sketch but i have something with me that i know i can't live with. I am incomplete without having an editing program with me. It's part of my life.=P

 

there you go for samples of the graphics i have done..I miss making one but my life is too busy that i rarely do them. 

But when i stare at them i smile coz i didn't think i can do them...^_^

I am sleepy now, goodnight..

outbursts

You know the feeling when your heart bears this thing it can't release and all you want to do is to scream it out loud but you can't. So you're left with no other option but to cry. Coz that's the only way it could release the tension that wants to get out from your fist-sized heart.

Yet, even though you cry until you tire your eyes out the feeling will always be there. 

I've had this hole in my heart for so long and then it started to heal. And i thought it would totally heal. Until one day it stopped healing. It froze. And every now and then it grows bigger again and bigger and bigger. Then I fiound out one day, the hole i have is already too big to be handled.

It had eaten the whole of me.

And many times i find myself staring at something for a long period of time. Or silently do my stuffs then they'll notice something is wrong coz i wasn't talking at all. Or i'll wander around the corridors alone and just keep on walking till i get back to work. Or i'll stare out the window and watch the cars pass by. I just want to be alone. Coz their company is no longer enough to cover up the pain. I don't find things funny now. I'll just laugh, pretend to, even though nothing's really funny.

Loren asked me this dawn when we had a conversation, "How can you look at his picture without feeling anything?" For the second time she had a question i found it hard to answer.

I do feel something when i stare at them. But i know it's not hatred. It's the feeling that make you cry. Maybe i grew numb of the pain. Or maybe i don't know. It just wouldn't stop.

I still miss him.

Mommy Tin: Siya na naman?
Nat: Siya pa rin naman eh. May iba ba?

Will this one take me seven years to forget? Coz if it will, then this will always be the case. It will hurt then it will not then it will hurt again.

I miss how it feels to genuinely smile. With no pains. No hurts.

And if only all the pain would disappear when i sleep. I'll choose to keep on sleeping. Until it hurts no more.

"I'll miss you when i wake up," Alice said.
And the only time i'll stop missing you is the time i'll cease waking up..

plot and plot holes...

i have nothing against it.
But maybe i am just bitter.

You deleted your facebook. coz you wanted a new life. With me out of the picture and other people as well.
Then you created a new account. Added everyone else. I mean what's the point of adding me this time?
You've got all the friends you need. You had the common friends we used to have before.
You have not bothered adding me above anyone else.We no longer communicate. SO what's the whole point now?

Maybe i am reacting like this because i am keeping the littlest pride that was left with me when i begged for everything to stay. When i tried everything to keep the line connected but you didn't seem to like it.

I am assuming a lot of things. Thoughts of everything that shouldn't be in my mind are bugging me. That's the primary reason tonight why i couldn't sleep even though i want to. And these tears which shouldn't be here have visited me again.

As i opened my account when i arrived home, you were tagged in the friend request area.  I ignored you. I have to. I thought for a moment, am i supposed to confirm it? When the last time i viewed your account i cried.

I know you didn't really mean to add me. Maybe someone else had bugged you to do that. Maybe you made a deal. Maybe you'll gonna win if i click that button.Maybe you just wanted to please people. And if that's the case you should have not done it. You know how it would hurt me.

I promised myself when you made a new account i will never ever add you. Coz i don't want to mess with the life you have right now. I kinda messed with it before.

But then i am again going back to the question. Why did you add me?
and if only there's a chance that you'll hear the question, i probably already know the answer.
"Is there something wrong if i add you? Just because we parted ways doesn't mean i don't like you to be my friend."

Not exactly but i might have some facts there.
I'll always lose. I can never argue with you. Besides i don't want to. You're too good.

But you know how paranoid i am. You know how mind works. I am a writer and i am too dramatic. I still have these thoughts inside my brain.

Is it because you wanted to show me something else?
Is it because you wanted me to read your posts?
For the thing to sink in again?

You know what? You don't have to worry now. It already sank.
it's just that i still have it with me.
And there's no need for you to keep on repeating it to me so i'll better understand it. Coz that's like slapping me in the face. I apologize coz i am negativistic and paranoid and everything else you could imagine.

Truth is i am just afraid of what's in your account this time..that's why.

Hmmmmm. Anyways, I am used to it by now. It just stings some time.
Buti am still trying to live with it.

So yeah, maybe there nothing wrong in confirming you. I'll give myself a chance. And if i  can no longer take it i'd have to say it's enough.

Day 7: The Colour Changing Quill

It's 3:23 in the morning my time of September 17, 2011.

First, Let me greet my so loved Friend Julianne Mariel. HAppy Birthday Miel. I miss you.

I don't know where you are right now and i don't know how you're doing. We lost contact 2 years ago and i miss you so much. I used to tell you everything and i miss you this time coz it's you whom i learned how to stay up in the wee hours of the night. We usually talked on how our day had been until i doze off and you would just get mad when i wake up. We should have been having conversation right now.

Hey, You. Yes you. You never met Miel. I mean, i never said anything about her to you. She was a dear virtual friend of mine. I met her thru text and she lives(lived? idk) across the country. She too loved someone so much that she became so weak she nearly lost her life. I know she wouldn't want me to do what she did. So no worries i won't do that.

So, It was our second pay out and impulsivity knocked on the door when all of our plans seemed to have faded out. The group had been planning for something like that for quite a while now. They even had plans on going somewhere in Libis (where there's something fishy). Tahaha. Okay, maybe it smells bagoong there or something. So just before work had ended, i heard they're just going to Mcdonalds or KFC. Until they again said to Timog. (we really were clueless on where to go) We ended going to Homer's in Quezon City. It was so far... i even got tired walking. *sniggers* It was a bar... behind ABS CBN.

See?
It is indeed far.

We're almost complete. Nevertheless, we enjoyed the time we stayed there even though it was just for an hour and a half. We had to go home coz some of us still have to wake up early due to appointments. Ron missed his bus ride for 1:30 AM and i guess he would have to wait until 5 AM. As for us, we took a cab. Some stayed though and i guess they're still there.. ahahaha. Coz they had to finish 2 buckets of the thingamajig that they ordered. However i guess they had finished it by now, they are hard drinkers. =P

Hmmmm. It wasn't my thing, right? I know you know it. but i was there to have fun coz i wanted to enjoy the moment i have with the people who tries their best to make me happy. And i appreciate them so much. That was the second time i entered a bar. Coz if you can remember, it was November last year when we first entered Saramsam in Ilocos with a few closq friends and thun we went home ut almost 1 AM? ufter the Mr. And Ms. University we went to eat at Ravenden's and afterwards we headed there. Just memories. *pokes them out of my mind*

There was a band playing at Homer's and they had lively songs of course... and sad songs as well. I am glad they didn't sang any of the songs you sang before or i might have cried. The ambiance reminded me of you. Remember what we did at Saramsam before? We just sat there at the corner of the couch, holding each other's hand as we talked all night. They served us Mango juice and you know i don't drink that kind of thing so it was you who drank mine as everyone else ordered beer.

And as i sat there at Homer's, i know i should have not been thinking of you coz i was with the group and they're making me smile and all. But i couldn't help myself. I was trying to be happy and at qimes i find mysulf blankly starung at somethinguwith my mind drifting somewhere else.

They offered me a glass of ice and passed a bottle of redhorse/lights. I told them i don't drink. I really don't. There came to a point i was tempted to... i wanted to grab that bottle and pour it into my glass and just drink it. Just let it fill me even just for that time. Coz i no longer wanted to be the Nat you knew. The sweet Nat who cared a lot about things. Who cared and worried almost about everything.

I wanted to be new. I wanted to be mature. Coz i act sillly. I act childish.
And i still am. =(

The song "Di lang Ikaw" by Juris was being sung. And it hit me. That was EXACTLY YOUR POINT. That was exactly what you told me. And the whole point EXACTLY HIT ME again as i was sitting there.

There was even a guy there who sang. He tried his best though, it's just that it wasn't enough but i admire his courage, or maybe he is drunk? I don't know. He just reminded me of you except for the fact that he was reaching the high notes and you had a flat tone when you sing. And the scene of you sitting at front gripping your chair as you were singing I am all out of love and boulevard was still vivid in my camcorder-like mind.

I wanted to release the feelings i had. Glad i didn't burst into tears. They were teasing me. With all the heartbreak thingy. I wouldn't mind being teased anyway. I was used to it by now. I was used to saying to everyone i am broken and i am bitter? I was not alone in the group though, but in my case i was the one with a hopeless situation.

The singer was even asking about the brokenhearted people there, the singles and virgins. And funny thing is i was so proud to be raising my hand, well not just me but we all are. LOL. People who should not have been raising theirs were claiming to be one. ANd we just kept on laughing and laughing. You know at that place, you can request songs at the band and they'll sing it for you. Then they requested a song and it happened to be I'LL NEVER GET OVER YOU GETTING OVER ME. And we were like screaming because of the song just when the singer asked to whom it would be dedicated.

And they said it's for ME and Mayie.Okay. Thank you for that.
"This song is dedicated to Nat and Mayie." And i was like raising my hand. And Where is she? the singer asked. So just bear with me. =P

Cheers. Cheers to being single, to being  brokenhearted and to being there. I just enjoyed my Iced tea and sang my hearts out to the tune until they changed song. And i was just following the beats and lyrics again. A part of me was saying go, drink. For a while you'll forget about things. You'll be new.

But i can say... I stand by my end of the deal. i will never drink. I will never smoke. I don't have to change myself just because you left me. I am me. And i don't wanna change anything cause this is me. And i don't wanna be somebody else. I don't wanna be Miss perfect coz i make mistakes and those mistakes makes me whole.

And it's 4:04 AM. I have to go to bed. I have to end this one now. I'll update it again.

i'll end this by saying, you might want to suggest that place to your friends when you want a place to hang out.

Au revoir!

~Nat

...that's what happened

This is one post from facebook which made me really cry.

Coz i am guilty of being that kind of girl and probably which change everything until the feeling was no longer there. but just what i have said, it's still here. Always here.

it's a conversation between a guy, who broke up with her girl, and his bestfriend.

Boy:I broke up with her.

His Best Friend:What happened?

Boy:She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy:Well,...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on 

her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not 

think otherwise? I see..

Boy:Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me 

not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because 

she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy:But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t 

handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just

wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy:I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so

annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? 

She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? 

She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy:Well, she..

His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the 

best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy:I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to 

me?

His Best Friend:You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t 

want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened..

By: ‎-lyzapicayo

Day 6: The Colour Changing Quill

I feel sick. I am tired. But i am not gonna quit on my job. 

Life is hard and wherever i go, it will always be like that. I should learn how to survive. I am not on my own i know but i do feel like that at times.

I am just crying again. I remembered you.

I cried a lot this week because my mind couldn't stop thinking about you. 

Instead of saying i miss you, i'd ask how are you doing? I have no idea now. You seemed so far away. And what really hurts is that you're not really far. But you're acting that way as if i never existed. As if i no longer exist. I just want you to know, i am here. Hello. You don't even bother asking how am i doing.

You might have in mind that i am fine... that i am so happy with my life now.

I know we're both on the same page. I do.

That you too are feeling blue. But you're doing great as i can see now. 

I am okay. So far. As far as everyone can see me, i am myself. But i know what's true... and i can say i am not.

I read something i should have not read. I cried. I locked myself in the washroom for long because of that. I asked myself, Do i still know you? But if they're to ask me, did something change? My answer would always be NONE. 

Then i happened to have stalked you too much, i read another one. It's too early to know we're wrong with the decisions we made. However the only thing i am praying to God is that those are the best decisions we had that's why we had to do them. He has His own plans for our lives, right. And we just have to trust Him with it.

He teaches us lessons in ways we don't expect. Hmmm. But He still knows what's inside my heart.

I finally dropped by your house. It's not really meant for us to meet. unfortunately you went out. Maybe God knew my heart was pounding a while ago when Danda asked for you. I didn't know how to react if i'll see you again. I asked for your sister anyway. And my intention was to give her my gift to your nephew, Gav. I am happy i finally got a chance to meet them both. Although it was all informal coz we were standing outside the computer shop's door. And she was really surprised to see me... to see us there. I know she told me i would have to text her before i take a visit.

The gift i gave was a huge Patrick stuff toy. First ever gift i bought from my own pocket which costed that much. And i was so happy to give it to him that much. Glad that Gav loved it so much as to what your sister said. 

Did you know i hugged that stuffed toy with all my might before i gave it? We were at Dada's unit and i brought it out. I hugged it so tight if only that stuff toy is alive it could have experienced suffocation. I missed hugging Tanney. Remember the bear you gave me for my birthday (January 17, 2010).Where you ran away after my niece accepted it and that was the only vivid image on my Mother's mind every time she thinks of you. I used to cry to her. I know she's just a stuff toy but i used to tell her everything whenever we would have problems. But, i no longer can do that to her... Seeing her, hugging her hurts too much now. You used to hug her too with all your might. You used to smell her and call her your child. And she just brings all the pain back. I tucked her inside my trunk and it'll take me sometime to open that again.

I miss you. And for the nth time i have not yet felt exhausted saying it.

I can still imagine you everytime. The way you speak in front. The way you laugh, it even echoes through my head. And i am wondering when will i ever hear it again.

I love you. Coz i still do.

Even if its hurting me. 

I closed my eyes and said it. The words i have told you that time i was stopping you from walking away.

"I love you Bryan."

And here they come again.

The crystal clear glint in my eyes gushing down my cheeks.

=(

goodnight.

I had to free the thoughts out of my mind.

What's cookin'?

I have been meaning to post here in my blog something about this amazing show that is soon to be aired in AXN i guess.

I was awed because Filipino artists are a part of it, too. but not just that... I love musical shows so much. I am a fan of broadway shows and theatre plays. I have always wanted to watch a play. The little mermaid, the West side story, Tuesdays with morrie to name a few are the ones i really like to get a glimpse on. Coz with that kind of play you'll really see how pressured the characters are. It's live. One wrong move, action, forget just one line and those would mess the whole thing.

But this isn't a live one. It's filmed.
So what do we have here?

THE KITCHEN MUSICAL.


Where Karylle and Christian Bautista are part of. There was even  news that Iza Calzado would be part, too. But nevertheless, i am excited on how the story would revolve and how they would continue keeping the production fantastic. What songs will they be using and reviving or remixing or what not.

I am looking forward for its airing.
I just want to share how it had me singing around BOOM BOOM POW after watching it the first time.
I am sure, fans of the artists involved in this production will watch it.
But as to me i will watch it not because i am a fan of those artists but because i am enjoying so far  thinking what is with this new show... and how big they can go.

here you go with the trailer..

BOOM BOOM POW

^_^

let us patiently wait as we enjoy the aroma of what THE KITCHEN MUSICAL is cookin' for us excited viewers.

kudos tu THE KITCHEN MUuICAL PRODUCTIONS..

to Mr. Gerard Salonga for directing this show.

cock-a-GOOGLE-DOODLE-doo

I surf the web a lot and i use google chrome as my browser.

Google never fails to amaze me with its new logos almost everyday.
They change it almost every other day depending on the events and happenings around.
It's just so fun to stare at them

just like yesterday's Google logo.

I just love how they are able to come up with different google styles. Just like the math thing logo. I spent minutes staring at it before trying to figure out what does the math thing mean. Then i found out it's their way of honoring someone else.

You can enjoy their Google doodle logos by clicking the link below.
http://www.google.com/logos/

Cool right?

Day 5. The Colour Changing Quill

That was the most terrible night i'll ever have. And you know, if the thought of it crosses my mind, it makes my body shiver and makes me weak and teary eyed.

Do you want to know how am I doing?

I am not good. I am not okay. I have been feeling sick since yesterday dawn. It's Saturday and i was pertaining to that unlucky Friday morning where i had encountered that kind of experience.

It seemed like a movie. I never thought that would ever happeq to me.
ubr /> We were ualking on our wuy home that fateful night and was even having a conversation about something else just like the usual. We passed by the same paths we used to take during regular days. It was not the first time that the two of us walked there on our own. But more often than not, we have some other pals with us, Mayie, Paw, Moi and Meg. However that night they left earlier than we did (too late to know that during that time they're just inside Mcdonald's. Just a few more pace from where the scene happened). And as we continued to walk along the pavement, we were about to cross, a motorcycle was about to pass so we somewhat stopped but then it stopped too. SO that it was now safe to do so and we crossed and continued on walking at the other side of the road. Just when i thought everything was fine, it happened.

(Now i get the whole connection of the story, thq man riding theumotorcycle was uith the Snatcheu.)

As we kept on walking, a man crossed the road (which gives us the scenario that we were about to bump unto each other). When i saw him on our lane i wondered why he crossed because if he'd just gonna walk, the road is too much wide for us all. He actually didn't have to cross to our side. Then it hit me, he was making his way for us. That man wearing a shorts and  in a hood, had that glint in his eyes that he was about to do something bad. My instinct told me to ran because i thought at first i thought he was insane but he said something i barely understood. He grabbed my bag and i started shouting because the he isn't the man i thought he was. He is a snatcher.

I freaked out. Was that really happening? I ran but unfortunately he came after me. Ate Shawn didn't get too far but she started shouting too coz at first she had no idea about what's happening.

Oh-my-gosh.
As i tell you this story,  goosebumps are starting to fill me up.

That time, i was probably on the verge of life and death, i was afraid the man might have a knife with him and any moment he would use it to me. I  fought because of my bag, but that was because i was afraid until he was able to get it and he ran towards a motorcycle. The same motorcycle i saw before everything happened, and now it was now on our back.

I can't bear that sight of the man chasing me as i was shouting for help. PLus a man behind me ran away because he got frightened.

EVerything flashed into my mind that time. And as i watch them run away, the thought of not being there hit my mind. I should have been enjoying Ilocos if it's not because of everything that had happened. I would have not been there. I would not have been like this. But i know everything has a reason.

I just ran towards Ate Shawn and hold her hand tightly. We were so afraid. Traumatized by what had happened. I lost everything. And i waq there, standinu speechless cauue everything wau still vivid on my mind.

How am i gonna go home? What am i gonna do now? How much does that proximity card cost? How am i gonna go back to work? How? Why? And i just kept on crying.

Luckily, God was so great, my wallet fell from the bag, even my purse. Even that pouch which holds the key to my apartment.

My wallet which was filled with memory, not of money was there on the pavement. The contents wer scattered and we picked them up and i kept on checking for something. Ate Shawn was watching me and said, "Picture ni Bryan?". I smiled to see it was there.

Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.

I was so helpless then, my phone was in my bag. My ATM was there too.
Now life really wants me to lose all the memory i have.
Just like that phone.


Anyway, i am so thankful to God. He didn't leave us. He protected us from those men.
Thank you Lord.

I pray to Him that nothing bad like that would happen to us again.