It's 3:23 in the morning my time of September 17, 2011.
First, Let me greet my so loved Friend Julianne Mariel. HAppy Birthday Miel. I miss you.
I don't know where you are right now and i don't know how you're doing. We lost contact 2 years ago and i miss you so much. I used to tell you everything and i miss you this time coz it's you whom i learned how to stay up in the wee hours of the night. We usually talked on how our day had been until i doze off and you would just get mad when i wake up. We should have been having conversation right now.
Hey, You. Yes you. You never met Miel. I mean, i never said anything about her to you. She was a dear virtual friend of mine. I met her thru text and she lives(lived? idk) across the country. She too loved someone so much that she became so weak she nearly lost her life. I know she wouldn't want me to do what she did. So no worries i won't do that.
So, It was our second pay out and impulsivity knocked on the door when all of our plans seemed to have faded out. The group had been planning for something like that for quite a while now. They even had plans on going somewhere in Libis (where there's something fishy). Tahaha. Okay, maybe it smells bagoong there or something. So just before work had ended, i heard they're just going to Mcdonalds or KFC. Until they again said to Timog. (we really were clueless on where to go) We ended going to Homer's in Quezon City. It was so far... i even got tired walking. *sniggers* It was a bar... behind ABS CBN.
See?
It is indeed far.
We're almost complete. Nevertheless, we enjoyed the time we stayed there even though it was just for an hour and a half. We had to go home coz some of us still have to wake up early due to appointments. Ron missed his bus ride for 1:30 AM and i guess he would have to wait until 5 AM. As for us, we took a cab. Some stayed though and i guess they're still there.. ahahaha. Coz they had to finish 2 buckets of the thingamajig that they ordered. However i guess they had finished it by now, they are hard drinkers. =P
Hmmmm. It wasn't my thing, right? I know you know it. but i was there to have fun coz i wanted to enjoy the moment i have with the people who tries their best to make me happy. And i appreciate them so much. That was the second time i entered a bar. Coz if you can remember, it was November last year when we first entered Saramsam in Ilocos with a few closq friends and thun we went home ut almost 1 AM? ufter the Mr. And Ms. University we went to eat at Ravenden's and afterwards we headed there. Just memories. *pokes them out of my mind*
There was a band playing at Homer's and they had lively songs of course... and sad songs as well. I am glad they didn't sang any of the songs you sang before or i might have cried. The ambiance reminded me of you. Remember what we did at Saramsam before? We just sat there at the corner of the couch, holding each other's hand as we talked all night. They served us Mango juice and you know i don't drink that kind of thing so it was you who drank mine as everyone else ordered beer.
And as i sat there at Homer's, i know i should have not been thinking of you coz i was with the group and they're making me smile and all. But i couldn't help myself. I was trying to be happy and at qimes i find mysulf blankly starung at somethinguwith my mind drifting somewhere else.
They offered me a glass of ice and passed a bottle of redhorse/lights. I told them i don't drink. I really don't. There came to a point i was tempted to... i wanted to grab that bottle and pour it into my glass and just drink it. Just let it fill me even just for that time. Coz i no longer wanted to be the Nat you knew. The sweet Nat who cared a lot about things. Who cared and worried almost about everything.
I wanted to be new. I wanted to be mature. Coz i act sillly. I act childish.
And i still am. =(
The song "Di lang Ikaw" by Juris was being sung. And it hit me. That was EXACTLY YOUR POINT. That was exactly what you told me. And the whole point EXACTLY HIT ME again as i was sitting there.
There was even a guy there who sang. He tried his best though, it's just that it wasn't enough but i admire his courage, or maybe he is drunk? I don't know. He just reminded me of you except for the fact that he was reaching the high notes and you had a flat tone when you sing. And the scene of you sitting at front gripping your chair as you were singing I am all out of love and boulevard was still vivid in my camcorder-like mind.
I wanted to release the feelings i had. Glad i didn't burst into tears. They were teasing me. With all the heartbreak thingy. I wouldn't mind being teased anyway. I was used to it by now. I was used to saying to everyone i am broken and i am bitter? I was not alone in the group though, but in my case i was the one with a hopeless situation.
The singer was even asking about the brokenhearted people there, the singles and virgins. And funny thing is i was so proud to be raising my hand, well not just me but we all are. LOL. People who should not have been raising theirs were claiming to be one. ANd we just kept on laughing and laughing. You know at that place, you can request songs at the band and they'll sing it for you. Then they requested a song and it happened to be I'LL NEVER GET OVER YOU GETTING OVER ME. And we were like screaming because of the song just when the singer asked to whom it would be dedicated.
And they said it's for ME and Mayie.Okay. Thank you for that.
"This song is dedicated to Nat and Mayie." And i was like raising my hand. And Where is she? the singer asked. So just bear with me. =P
Cheers. Cheers to being single, to being brokenhearted and to being there. I just enjoyed my Iced tea and sang my hearts out to the tune until they changed song. And i was just following the beats and lyrics again. A part of me was saying go, drink. For a while you'll forget about things. You'll be new.
But i can say... I stand by my end of the deal. i will never drink. I will never smoke. I don't have to change myself just because you left me. I am me. And i don't wanna change anything cause this is me. And i don't wanna be somebody else. I don't wanna be Miss perfect coz i make mistakes and those mistakes makes me whole.
And it's 4:04 AM. I have to go to bed. I have to end this one now. I'll update it again.
i'll end this by saying, you might want to suggest that place to your friends when you want a place to hang out.
Au revoir!
~Nat
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