The writings on the wooden posts

The cold September breeze making its way through the cracks on the window sill tonight at work probably brought about by the Ber months(or i guess more of the Typhoon Mario) seemed to have been pushing me to write something. The OPM songs coming from my phone added more to my craving of being able to share something else.

Uhm.. Here we go.

There were four girls who discovered some writings on a nipa hut by the hill one day. 

JK.

Haha. I was trying to make it more appealing. Nevermind. 

Srsly. This one's real.

It was one sunny afternoon, when we climbed that hill and found an old nipa hut on top and a grotto. The place was green. The view was great with a perfect sight of the city and it's nearby town. It was not as if the place was kept in secret. We were not the first one there, so obvious by the vandals of every sort(although the place was not meant to be a freedom wall) so vivid, covering the wood, like tattoos on a skin. 

Some of the writings were...

"I miss him."

"I sure you, the next time i come back..." and so on and so forth.

And at some point during that time i'd totally agree, that two writings i read were meant for us to find no matter how gramatically incorrect and wrong the wordings were. Still it made a lot of sense for one, If not for all of us. 

We spent a few minutes there, mused over things and as the sun bid goodbye that day, we vowed to not go back to that place again until one of the statement becomes real. 

That was something we held on to. It was a pact we made for fun but somehow it made a lot of sense. It meant a lot more than those words written on that nipa hut atop of the hill. 

We went back i guess 6 months  after, it was still there like the first time we saw it, the place wasn't as green as it was due to the change in climate, the hut looked older and would soon give in. The pact was not yet fulfilled but perhaps we needed reminding so it led us back there.

After that, We never went back again. 

I don't know when will we be able to visit the place again. Maybe the next time, there'll be no more crying. What were written there would already be a history we'll all finally laugh at. 

As i try to dig in my head that first moment we went there... I cast a smile.

I assure you, the next time i write about it, it's done. 

It will all be finally over. 

To them.

To her.

To me.

Until then, i'd Have to live with that for a while. 

-nat

Words and words alone

Words. Merely sounds that can sometimes burn bridges.

I am not here to lecture or anything. I am here to pour my thoughts so this empty blog doesn’t remain stagnant and may come to life again… and to somehow bring some sense to myself and to whoever will read this one.

Words.

These sounds that come out of your mouth when arranged properly creates a language we understand and conveys different meanings which are used to express thoughts and emotions.

The most common form of expressing ourselves is through the use of words… through speaking. However, there has always been a limit set when it comes to the freedom of expressing one’s self.

Words can make one happy, sad, cry and laugh. Words compliments or criticize. More often than not, the flowery the words are, the beautiful they appear and sound. Words can bring great damage, emotionally. Even the most obvious lie becomes believable at times.

We were taught to express what is in our minds but in a good way… in a way that does not disgrace others and degrade their rights. We were even taught to think a lot of times before we say something because more often than not, damages caused are irreversible.

Whether we mean it or not, when said, we can no longer draw them back as easy as how we have said them. No matter how small these words are, sometimes they can create fire that can take weeks, months or even years to soothe… sometimes the most unfortunate of all – never.

This reminds me of that quote painted in the wall of one of our grade school classroom then.

“A man has 2 ears and 1 mouth so he can listen more than he can speak.”

It IS not really hard to understand, right? It IS stating the obvious but I guess the obvious is underrated. LOL.

I say, a man’s brain is placed higher than his mouth so one can know which is more superior and should be used more.

So the next time you utter something, process it in your mind over and over again if it sounds pleasing or not and whether the Broca’s area in your brain really meant it to be expressed.

I HOPE

As i had nothing else to do but lurk around social networking sites and blogwalk, i happen to come across this post thru a friend.

I fell inlove with the article and made me thought of someone i love that i had to repost it here so i could keep track of it and reread it everytime i want to. Just like now.

I hope the right reader finds this one.

I hope you know who you are.

I hope you know it is You.

You.

I hope you know and you always remember how you made me feel. How you still make me feel. There were no butterflies the time i met you... but there had been since. 

I want to tell you, wherever you are and whatever you're doing at this very moment, that i love you. Because you deserve to know even though at this point, i cannot tell you personally and only thru here.

I love you.

I simply do. 

And i miss you so much.

And now...

I hope you fall in love the same way i did/ still do. 

I HOPE YOU FALL INLOVE SOMEDAY

By Lauren M. Smith

I hope that someday you find someone that gives you butterflies the moment you meet them. And that the first time you touch, it feels like electricity is running through your body. I hope your first date is magical and your first kiss, earth shattering. I hope that when you’re with them, you never want to leave. I hope you are the first and last thing they think about every day.

I hope you play it cool in front of people, but can’t keep your hands off each other in private. I hope the only thing they ever steal from you are glances and kisses. And I hope that they make you whole, instead of tearing you apart. I hope that when you give them your heart, they don’t break it. I hope you have a love worthy of a fairy tale.

I hope you take the two hand touch rule a little too literally when you play football with them and their friends. And that you hold hands under the dinner table while you down a whole bottle of wine between the two of you. I hope that when they look at you, they get lost in your eyes, and I hope that the things they tell you aren’t just things you want to hear, but things they want to say. I hope that you fit in their arms better than the last piece of a puzzle, and that you always feel safe when they hold you. I hope that when you fight, you fight hard, but that when you love, you love harder.

I hope that when you kiss, you kiss passionately. I hope that you kiss like every kiss is your last. I hope you need to breathe their air just as much as you need your heart to beat. I hope that when you dance, you don’t need music. I hope that when you’re together, the world around you is jealous. I hope that when you walk in the room, a light ignites inside them. I hope that they can’t live without you. I hope that they make it hard for you to sleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams.

I hope that you love them wholly, the good and the bad. I hope that the days you spend apart are hard, but the days you spend together make up for it. I hope that once you find them, you can’t picture your life without them. I hope that they take your breath away. I hope that, together, you create happiness. I hope that with them, you’re not afraid of the future, but excited for it. I hope that, every day, they tell you how much they love you. I hope that when you find them, you realize it before it’s too late. I hope that you take them and love them and never let them go. I hope you find it. 

*credit to the owner of the photos i found on google

May. Beetles. Fireflies.

Oh how they adored these little winged creatures that they even engage them into little beetle fights and place bets on them or tie a thread unto their fragile and easy to break legs.

This insect named Abal-abal in Iloco or known as May/ June beetle (named after the month they come out or seen the most) appear mostly during warm spring evenings and are attracted to light. Unlike the lady bugs their colors aren't eye catching at all.

When i was a kid we usually catch one during blackouts (not everytime tho), we find them clinging on our curtains, lurking in a corner. I was not overly fond of them. Now i get bothered whenever i hear one nearby. Whenever i see one I pick them up with a cloth or a paper and immediately throw them out, far from the house to prevent them from flying back in. The sound of them flapping around gives me goosebumps. Hahaha. Ang arte lang.

But if i were to choose on whether to hold a dozen of them or eat them? I'll choose none. Hahahaha. Why on Earth do i have to anyway. 

But, Okay, perhaps the first option is a bit bearable than having them inside my system. I just don't and will never have the nerve to eat them. I am never going to. I wonder how people can eat them like they are just chewing some sort of jelly. It's gross. Haha. How can you bear it when you get to hear that crunchy sound of its breaking body upon chewing. Noooooo. Gooosies. And everything that is inside it explodes into your mouth. Goodness. Faints. 

They say it is delicious. 

Still.

Never.

Enough of that part. 

Now, I get to share with you how I, YES, I went to catch some for fun and meal (not mine tho) despite my notion of them.

Amz asked me if i'd like to go, I was hesitant but i agreed. It was a motorbike ride to the clearing near the river in their place. It was hidden from the usual view by tall grasses that in my head i imagined it like it's just something people do to pass the time or if they want to eat such (few people gathering some beetles). 

But i was wrong. The place was vast and there were already lots of people carrying with them ziplocks and cans and bottles busily spotting the ground for beetle holes. The soil was still damp from the rain that visited the place that afternoon. Seemed like we arrived too late because everywhere else was dug up. Each group has settled for their selected spot. 

We didn't know where to begin looking and we didn't know if there were still bugs left for us to find. We decided to wander a little far  from the others eyeing the ground for signs of bug holes yet we were unfortunate enough. Maybe the first ones to arrive already found most of them, i thought. It was getting late. We went back to where our group originally was and decided to stay there. It began to get dark as the day progressed. We grabbed some branches and twigs while Ate Vicky provided us with some 'Imud' (I'm not sure of the spelling but that is how it was pronounced) cuttings she brought. The plants served as bait for them to come near us. It has a certain smell that the beetles seem to love they say. I have no clue. At that moment, for me, it was to see is to believe. We attached the Imud at the branches we gathered from a tree nearby and planted it on the ground. Some i attached to the branch i held. 

Just when we thought they were all gone. After the sun had set, beetles started to fly around one by one. The people (especially kids) began shouting and began chasing them around.

"Tiliwemun ah!" (Catch it)

"Kamatem." (Chase it)

It was fun to watch. Ha-ha. The silence of the place which was only broken by some conversations and laughs from the crowd that went to catch bugs a while ago was now gone and was replaced by the sound of flapping wings. 

Gracious.

It was surreal. I have never seen such a thing in my life. Hundreds and probably thousands of beetles came out of nowhere and began swarming at the trees... And to our luck, even at the baits we had. I even chased them around, smashing beetles i hear near me with so much force, i think i might have killed them.LOL. Since we had been running around, smashing things and i guess people, our baits weren't working anymore so i grabbed the branches with Imud and stood there scarecrow-like. Haha, it worked, soon there were beetles swarming around me and the branches. I began to scream. Amz and Nicole grabbed the beetles that swarmed and landed in the branches as i kept screaming. 

The number of beetles flying around soon decreased as they settled on the tree branches, too high for us to get hold of. It was really dark now and we were exhausted. We spent so much effort chasing them around, laughing, we didn't caught much but just enough. I might have caught 3 or 4. =D

Enough experience for me to want to go back and go catching again some other time perhaps.

As we walked back to where we parked our motorcycle, in a not so distant tree, twinkling lights caught my attention. That's when i realised that for the first time i was staring at fireflies. There were probably thousands of fireflies up there. In awe and wonder i smiled and kept my gaze at them. They are just lovely. I thought they never existed coz i've never seen one until then.

It was indeed a great night with great memories. Thanks to Amz for bringing me there.

Sharing some photos we took upon finding a good spot.

Of What's Left Behind

This is just annoying. And it was even too early for an April Fools prank. Maybe if i just slept last night and thought not of wasting my time on sleeping instead of working on them they would still be there in the camera roll waiting.

I've been up all night, supposed to be processing photos for upload but, no. I was up all night with fingers crossed hoping all the Ipad Recovery software i have downloaded will do its work properly. I seriously do not know what to do now. I don't know how many software have i installed already and none of them can locate  the recent files i have accidentally deleted because of my own katangahan. *cries*

I was so dumb not to realize sooner that the so called albums in an IOS are just tags (well it is just misleading). I was so keen to clean up space on my ipad that i thought i have duplicate files everywhere and now look where it led me and what it cost me - gone are the lifetime memories.

I deserve to  be punished and hated for this. I hate myself.

I stopped working on the ipad just now, still hoping the files will not be overwritten and somehow they will appear a little later. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. This is killing me. My heart is broken. My eyes are tired. My mind is still thinking of ways how to save them, traces are probably out there somewhere.

This event just shows every move one makes can not be undone. There's no going back. Second chances are rare.

It ain't a funny April Fools prank i pulled on myself. Next time, i will learn to control my OC'ness. ='(

Now if someone out there's kind enough to help me retrieve them, please do so.

School year enders

Eeeeep. Failed to upload this a few nights ago.

Because it is Recognition/graduation time i guess it's time i post some memoirs about endings and beginnings.

I can hear the march they play every commencement rites in my head. And before i totally zone out into dreamland because the Sandman has been lulling me to sleep right after we got home from the  mall, i think i should give this blog an update.

I attended the 2014 Recognition of San Marcelino Elementary School (not as a guest, how i wish though.. Prolly someday. LOL) but just to celebrate and witness Amz's nephew, John, receive his awards. These things will help them and motivate them to work harder and to be the best they can be in life.

As their place is almost a 2-hour drive if you don't have a private car, we planned to set off early and catch the earliest passenger jeep but failed. Haha. We waited for an hour or more for a ride and we certainly didn't expect to wait that long, especially not that day for we're really in a hurry. 

Have you ever wondered why during those times when you're in a hurry things somehow go out of control? That's what happened to us. But yeah we still made it right on time before Jhon's turn on stage. *high five*

We had lots of pictures. Yes. Lots. 

And here are some..

     

our baby Steven has learned how to do the selfie
and he seems to be enjoying his stay in front of the lens. *points down*

This is Amz's family. I say, i have learned to like and love them because they're just so welcoming and they make you feel like you belong. ^___^

<3

Drizzles of February

Today, I woke up with a cold morning breeze and was surprised to see that the earth’s still damp after an early drop of rain...and it’s still drizzling.

                        

The plants seem greener. The Earth feels renewed.

It’s the kind of day wherein I wanted to just plunge myself into bed and curl under my covers as I enjoy a deep slumber. (It’s not as if I don’t enjoy sleeping even though the weather isn’t like this.)

It’s a good day for cuddling.

Maybe a good time to do a visit down memory lane but I forbade myself to do so.

It’s that moment wherein my thoughts appeared to be electrified, adrenaline rushing through them that they all want to be somewhat spoken.

I have not done this for a long time and It feels new to me.

*yawns*

Now, I am torn between dozing off to bed (coz I am getting sleepier by the minute) or I’ll stay up to untangle the thoughts from my ‘haywired’ brain.

Uhmm.

Might at least try to extract these thoughts then. Lemme find my courage and I’ll be back.

Hold on

“If you give up too soon,

you’ll never know what you’ll be missing.

Keep going and never quit.”

People tend to do that a lot.

They tend to quit when the going gets tough. They give up too soon when things go out of control. They leave. They run away.

I have always pondered if the thought of wondering what’ll gonna happen next if they hold on a little longer crosses their mind once in a while when they’re faced with situations that need answers like this. Or they’re too busy thinking that it happened for a reason and that reason is to open new doors so you just have to forget and start anew.

Move on. Oftentimes that is suggested.

If you keep on moving on every time then you’ll miss things, won’t you?

Well you must have been thinking now that I am a bitter person who’s having a hard time moving on over things. Yes I am guilty of that very fact. I am not a very big fan of moving on especially if I get too attached to things.

But think about the thought. It does have a point right?

Yes.

Things definitely happen for a reason. They HAPPENED for a reason. But that doesn’t always necessary mean that it was not the best and that there’s something better. (Wow!  I’m cynical.) It happened so you can be stronger and be a better you. However, sometimes you don’t have to give up on it just because you feel like it’s going nowhere, it’s wrong, it was a bad decision, it hurts, it’s driving you insane, it’s unreasonable, it’s too much to handle.

(If I am not making any sense to you, at least to myself, I am)

Who knows what’s next after if you gave up on it just like that. After all, you were taught to stand up and keep going after you stumble when you were little. Yes, you’ll get hurt. You’ll cry. But they shouldn’t stop you. It’s a cycle. It’ll happen to you over and over and over again on different circumstances.

But If you just surrender will you ever know the answer?

No.

So hold on.

Coz I’ll keep on holding on.

*Hugs*

~Nat