story of my life

the song's entitled LIVE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW

by: SELENA GOMEZ

i made this video just this year but i could not remember what specific month. it's the early months of 2011.

it tells you the story of my life.

well a glimpse of it..

College life to be exact. and well i guess as my college life ended, things changed.

there were much turnovers and i wasn't expecting them.

and that i am no longer the antonette in the videu or maybe thereu's still a partuof me that's luft.

I wasn't able to upload this nor show this to Bryan when we were still okay.

But i didn't wanna delete it.

i've made so much effort to make this one because he said he'll gonna show it to all of his friends.

and all i can do now is to sigh.

He'll never be able to appreciate it anymore..

Anyways...

i miss you..

and thank you.

heart of the matter

hmm. so i've found this song last summer and i found it very interesting. I loved it and started playing it over and over again. I even made this the song here in my blog. 

The message of the song just hit me. I actually heard it from Sex and the City 1.

Hmm, but as i listen to it now, it feels so real to me. 

Coz i am broken and it badly wounded.

But the song says it all.

There's nothing else i could say.

just listen to it,

fall in love with the metamorphmagi (nymphadora tonks)

As i have fallen inlove with her character.
And as  i have always loved Tonks herself.
I am staying...  
how i wish i too can do what she can do..


but she loved him more than anything else. and she clung to it and never let go.
Waiting for my Remus..
THough he doesn't care anymore. =/


"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!" 


"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-" 


"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking them. 


"I've told you a million times...." 


And the meaning of Tonk's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all. 


"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor....too dangerous...." 


"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Mrs. Weasley over Fleur's shoulder as she patter her on the back. 


"I am not being ridiculous," said Lupin steadily. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole." 


"But she wants you," said Mr. Weasley, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." 


He gestured sadly at his son, lying between them. 


"This is....not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead...." 


"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said Professor McGonagall curtly..." 
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

note pinned to my heart

Dear heart,


I am so sorry i am allowing this feeling to cause you so much pain.
I am so sorry that my happiness once caused you so much trouble that you got compromised and though you do not have any control over my feelings, you started feeling those signs of pain.
I am just so sorry for being stupid.


I AM SORRY FOR BEING SELFISH.
I AM SORRY. UNTIL NOW

Every time

I sat there on the super deluxe MDL bus and cuddled myself as the cold air started to embrace me.
I was again travelling for the night on a 9 hour ride.
Fat tears rolled down my cheeks as i saw my mum leave.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself.
There's only one answer on my mind.

"I don't know."

Funny.

Yesterday was indeed a very busy day for me. I have had plans and yet only a part of it was followed. Another proof that i should not plan any. It only disappoints me.

there were a lot of reminiscings as i walked past those places that once meant so much to me and now i couldn't even look at them and was preoccupied half of the time.

Indeed my life has changed so much. With that one event.
I can still hear Lao say to me inside the tricycle as we stared at each other on the mirror, "Your life has changed."
I just said "Yes."

Nothing more.

She could see again my eyes swelled with tears. That any moment i would burst and breakdown.
I could not hold it.
I just told her, every now and then I feel the pain of him leaving me and i would just cry and cry.
I am so broken, i don't even know where to start.
Seriously.
I am so lost.

Everything was lost that night.
Even DREAMS.

And every night when everyone is on the middle of their slumber, i would clutch my blanket so tight and cry.
The same scenario for almost two weeks now.

The same tiring and pitiful scenario every time i see the reflection of the girl.
Everytime i see myself.

gav's face dance ^_^

his uncle made me cry..

but he makes me laugh and smile.

^_^

thank you gav...

it's time to feel the pain

NGAYONG WALA KA NA

by Aiza Seguerra

this song just made me cry..

its thought really hit me hard..

and the thought of being dumb over things like this makes people laugh..

they keep on telling me to move on and let go of everything that we have had.

but i don't want to..

=/

then the pain...

and it strikes everytime.

and my heart's torn into pieces again when everything else is fine..

i want him back..

but he doesn't want me anymore...

it pains me so much that i only told him in person that i love him so much during that day when he ended everything..
stupid me.

dang.
regrets.
they always come last..
when things won't work anymore..

till i see you again

I'll start this with a smile so i'll end up with one too.

My eyes are tired from crying not only for a day but i have been doing that ever since.

I woke up today realizing i cried for nothing.

That for those times i made myself miserable, they're not as worth it as before.

I have cried a lot because of one thing, as far as i can remember.

It's this thing they call LOVE.

That at first i was hesitant to admit to people and more especially to myself.

I have no idea about that word before.

I was a stone. That it didn't really struck me that much.

But then i surrendered to it one time and told myself, "maybe i am not a stone after all because there's this soft part inside of me."

i allowed the feeling to engulf and to my mistake i forgot myself before because of the feeling it had brought me.

It had made me so happy that i never wanted to let go.

Even if it already hurts too much still the feeling made be bear the pain.

I don't regret it though.

maybe i needed that feeling for that time for me to learn because i was clueless on how it felt to love someone so much with all your heart and to be loved back the way you wanted to.

We've gone through so many countless rough times together and for this one... we lost the fight.

Sometimes, not everything is won but maybe they are bound to fall so we can finally find ourselves and be able to put down those walls created.

Not all battles will be won in life, coz if you do how will you ever gonna grow up without experiencing failure.

And as thq saying goes nouhing really lasus forever, evenuthose things you thought will.

We built the relationship we had for four years and he gave up on me faster than the blink of an eye.

At first i was confused. That was way too fast.

But that's the nature of human.

It's hard to accept the fact that everything's gone with just a snap.

it'll take me long to understand that.

however there are things in life that are not meant to be understood. they just happen for a reason, known or unknown.

And i'll tell you, that's the beauty of it.

You come to see all the goodness in everything that happens and be able to finally appreciate those who have stayed with you till the very end.

i thank that feeling.

it was worth the try.

ubr />

"your love has brought me here. Till i see you again."

=)

trapped in an abyss

~wrote this last night.. i mean this morning at 1:00 AM

I just arrived home from a 9 hour travel.

I am still wonderin' myself what happened there that i wanted to be home this much.

i wouldn't be home yet probably.

Maybe i just should be thankful.

Now i sat here on my bed, leaning on my wall. I wiped the tears brushing my cheeks as i typed another word for this one.

It's July 10, 2011. I'll close my eyes and try to remember where Am I way back July 10, 2010.

I saw her a year younger. She's on the same bed. She gladly clutched her phone and was waiting for someone elses message.

As i look upon her face, the feelings she have inside radiates. She was indeed so inlove. So inlove with the man she have always loved.

And as i stare unto her NOW, i can see her heart, broken.

This wasn't the first. And not probably the second.

I wondered why?

I blinked and maybe answers flashed into the darkness.

I continued to stare at her.

I asked myself cause i didn't want her to hear,"Maybe you have gone too far, don't you think?

I wanted to ask her but i could already read her mind. Maybe she had just let me read them.

"I miss him. The way he used to be. And i'm still asking myself did i change him to be that way? What happened to the guy i fell inlove with almost 4 years ago?"

I wanted to give her a hug.

I can feel how broken she was.

"People change. Planned plans change. All i wanted was someone i can trust and who can trust me back. i just didn't want something that would last for a while. But i wanted it to last for forever."

"I wanted someone who can be the best friend i need. I just didn't want to settle on the now, coz the NOW is just tomorrow's yesterday and one way or another, i'd be the yesterday."

In the middle of the darkness and silence of the night, i could see her heart screaming.

Poor soul.

trapped in the abyss of loneliness.

waiting for FOREVER

Have you ever felt like a day of waiting turns out to be weeks.
Seconds feels like hours.

2 months feels like forever.

Nevertheless i'm sharing this beautiful love story..
other people might find it boring but then...
WAITING really is part of the process..

^^

"I go where you Go" ~Will

If you ask me there's a moment in everybody's life when you're helpless. just, helpless with hope and trust. and then something happens. something too big to understand. and then everything changes forever.

if you ask me, you start out with goodness so pure and clear, you don't even know it's there, because that's the way it is when you don't know anything. ~ waiting for forever

"Life is not simple. It is not easy. Horrible things happen and people do terrible things." ~Emma

"Why would I go where you don't want me to go?"~Will

"Truth is nothing. What you believe to be true is everything." ~Will

"Bad love letter beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing." ~Will

"I have enough of you in my head for the last Forever." ~Will

"If i had one wish it would be that your life brings you a taste of happiness that you brought me. That you can feel what it's like to love." ~Will


This is just so my story... =(

waiting NOT in vain

Suspended in mid air.

Just when the end of the strokes and cut throat sounds of pencils signaled the end of the battle, the deafening silence of excitement and apprehension lingered among almost everyone who participated in the war.

It's a good fight, we fought.

The battle ended with victory in our hearts.
It's not over yet. THe real battle awaits.

Hearts started to pound as the agony of waiting started to torture us.

I laid the palm of my hand on my chest and I can feel my own heart skip a beat and pound much stronger than before. Waiting isn't really my type. Especially this one. It excites me so much that it causes shiver to my spine and sends goosebumps to my whole body.

i closed my eyes. They're so tired.
All i wanna do now is sleep until one day i wake up and i no longer have to wait.
Maybe waiting is the most exciting part of the process but i feel so... so lost. I don't know where to go and where to start coz everything has changed.

I took a deep breathe and tried to give myself a hug.

A thought popped into my mind.
"great things happen to those who wait."

So i'll wait.

I'll wait.

FAITH can move mountains

If You have FAITH the size of a mustard seed, You can move mountains. Did I got it right?

What I know is that Faith and Prayers can move mountains.

Thank! For in every endeavour He is always at your side. God’s miracles work in so many simple and unnoticed ways. Every single thing you have right now is a blessing from Him. So never doubt His power.

Trust! Cast all the feelings of fear and doubt and let God work. He knows what He is doing so be still. Remember great things happen to those who wait.

At times when you feel like you no longer have the strength to walk forward, He carries you through those rough times and protects and keeps you safe. He loves us more than anything else in this world. He is more than a friend but a Father to all mankind.

He is a loving and forgiving God. He will never let us down. He will never abandon His children. He will always be there waiting for You to call.

He said, Call upon me and I shall give you the desires of your heart. That’s what I can remember. So just
pray to God. Just Talk to Him anywhere and anytime. He hears us and He never closes the doors. He loves us so much that He wants us to be happy.

Believe! God knows what is in our hearts even if we don’t tell Him. No matter how much we try to conceal the burdens we have inside those preciously created parts, He knows. He can read minds more than a psychic can. He can see through us more than anything else in this world. He can do miracless more than a magician can do magic. He is the Ultimate.