Every time

I sat there on the super deluxe MDL bus and cuddled myself as the cold air started to embrace me.
I was again travelling for the night on a 9 hour ride.
Fat tears rolled down my cheeks as i saw my mum leave.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself.
There's only one answer on my mind.

"I don't know."

Funny.

Yesterday was indeed a very busy day for me. I have had plans and yet only a part of it was followed. Another proof that i should not plan any. It only disappoints me.

there were a lot of reminiscings as i walked past those places that once meant so much to me and now i couldn't even look at them and was preoccupied half of the time.

Indeed my life has changed so much. With that one event.
I can still hear Lao say to me inside the tricycle as we stared at each other on the mirror, "Your life has changed."
I just said "Yes."

Nothing more.

She could see again my eyes swelled with tears. That any moment i would burst and breakdown.
I could not hold it.
I just told her, every now and then I feel the pain of him leaving me and i would just cry and cry.
I am so broken, i don't even know where to start.
Seriously.
I am so lost.

Everything was lost that night.
Even DREAMS.

And every night when everyone is on the middle of their slumber, i would clutch my blanket so tight and cry.
The same scenario for almost two weeks now.

The same tiring and pitiful scenario every time i see the reflection of the girl.
Everytime i see myself.