Hello there.
Three months. No. Just almost three months. I haven't seen a glimpse of you for that long span of time. Not even your shadow. That's for the longest time. And probably it would not be the longest. But I hope it would be.
Last October 2, 2011 - i finally saw you again. And it seemed like yesterday since i last did. Nothing changed. Except for the fact that you already grew beard. Which definitely looked good on you. You looked great. Just like that last day i threw one last look at you in Ilocos (minus the beard). =P
I miss you.
I missed you.
I missed hearing your voice. I miss hearing you talk and laugh and seeing you smile. I totally missed staring at that face i used to hold.
And i was not definitely ready to see you but i just wanted to. And it was bearable. Glad i had controlled the urge to flung my arms around you again. I totally wanted to do that. But it was not proper... *smile* i do know what's proper.. =P
i could not believe i was there. My stupid mind could not believe i was sitting inside your house with your sisters. I know it wasn't right. I should have not done that. Apart from the reason that i wanted to give my gift to Gav that day coz it was his birthday, it was mostly you who i really wanted to see.
I stood outside your house that night and lucky me - it was you whom i first saw. The reason why i hid behind the car coz i was surprised. Of course whom should i see right, that's where you live, but hey of all people. =) You came out of the house because Dada told you or you might have seen him standing outside your doorstep. I had to step out too coz i already saw you waving saying Hi.
You even offered to shake my hand and i was like "what's with the handshake thingy?" at the back of my head.
I don't know how to define that night anymore. My photographic memory somehow recorded everything again but won't let me spill all the details here. Maybe it was enough for me keep it.
First time in my life that i managed to stand in front of your relatives and not thinking of what they're gonna say. I even managed to joke around Ate Maya. And i definitely love her just like Gav. She's cool. She isn't as bad as my first instinct have told me before. She's too nice. She's just one cool sister i would have wanted to have since i wanted a sister so much.
Yes, it was really awkward.. was it? Hmmm, not really. Or it could have been i was just way overwhelmed.
Hmmmm. This is the nth time i am gonna say i miss you. And i don't know.
We bid goodbye. And i tried to look back. I pretended to look at something from behind. My peripheral vision didn't fail me. I saw you standing there at your doorstep watching us leave just like how one should be to be properly hospitable to their visitors. Hmmmm. That's the last picture i have in my mind.
It was always me who leaves in the scene. ha-ha.
was always me who does. Hmmm.
You already know what's in my mind.
Always.
PS: message to self...Close your eyes Nat and dream of the sweetest possible thing you could ever dream about. *hugs self* your alter ego loves you so much...
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