haunted

I wake up everyday with all the same routines until i head to bed from work.

Every day is the same. 

Still everyday i cry myself to sleep and find myself in the morning with heavy eyes. It just hurts. Every night. Every time. And when that time comes i could not prevent myself from crying anymore. I just feel alone. ANd the people who i thought would stay to comfort me have their own lives now and i don't want to bug them anymore. They pretty sure won't like it. 

Dear brother,

How i wish you know i am badly hurt. I really need a brother right now. I wish you would comfort me and you'll tell me to cheer up. How i wish i can tell you someone made me cry. And that you'd feel annoyed because they made your little sister cry. You used to tell me when we were in high school that when someone would mess up on me all i have to do is to tell you. Pity me. I don't actually know how you'll react now anyway.

I lied to you. I wish i was that open to you about everything before like how open you have been with your relationships. Hmmmm. Could you teach me how to move on too? I guess you're having an easy time dealing with it. If i may ask, don't you love her anymore? I guess you still do. 

I started loving her coz both of you guys are honest and true. And i kinda missed her coming to our house. And i was saddened when i found out you split up.

Then i followed. Hmmmm.

I want to be far from here now. FOr the meantime. Coz everything is killing me. I just don't know what to do. 

Hmmm, the other night i stood there at MOA's by the bay. And i just wanted to stay there, if only it wasn't raining. I could have sat there and cried, shouted everything into the darkness and stillness of the waters while it rained. Coz the pain is too much to bear, Mike. And everytime i find myself staring at something. I guess i am nearly going mad, am I? Well you can't definitely tell. 

You know how Tito Mencio and Tito Manny bugs me about gaining experience and to take the exams so i could go there now. And sometimes when i think of it, they're right. My dream before was to settle down there with you, Raf, mom and Dad. It changed. Hmmm. I just wanted to settle here. But I wanted to take away mom's burden and i know se wants me to be there. I know she's too stressed thinking about everything she's not supposed to be thinking of. 

Plus, at times you are annoying and your spoiled side tends to come out at times oftentimes.  Hmmm. Anyway. I have to end this now. I wanted to tell you a lot of things. You are my brother anyway, i should be doing that. You deserve all the details of my life. And how i wish i could just tell you these. 

Ciao.