Peering through a bookshelf

I wasn’t just along then for the ride. I was just unsure if everything’s right. I’ve been so hooked; I forgot other things were lying beyond the world I was in. Suddenly, it seemed like the world  started to spin the other way around; and one day, I found myself looking at the other side of life. Considering all the things that happened before whether it was good or bad, I turned my back on those days and left those memories.

It wasn’t an abrupt change, but perhaps they must have perceived it as one for it was like it. Well, they just didn’t know how I arranged things up so I could start again and move on. Little by little I adjusted as I attempted to get rid of things in my life, knowing that I was used to them. I slowly distanced myself from things and continued on with my life, normally. I didn’t think of its effect towards other people. But then, that’s it and there’s nothing I could do to wind back.

What was I up to? Why did I do that? (Shrugs)

It was like peering through thousands of bookshelves and not finding any single answer to my question on any of those books stacked on those shelves. Until finally, as I found one certain book, I got so engrossed with it; I didn’t want to let go. But then, I have to put it back for I wasn’t the only one who would use it. It wasn’t mine, so I have to return it back to where I found it.

I was in search of something then or perhaps I wasn’t really searching for something but I was waiting for the right time to carry out things. I had no idea why and what was the reason behind it. It’s just that one day I felt like I had to do it.

I guess I was just running away from things. I was scared to face the consequences of my actions because I was driven by my peers. I was pressured by expectations I’ve been trying to live with. In fact I could not just set them aside because they have been a part of my life and that leaving them behind would have a great impact on me.

“I know the moment’s gone. I’m still holding on somehow. Wishing I could change the way the world goes round”. Sometimes I still look back on those days, and maybe… there was something right with the act itself now.

Happiness is just a step away if only I’ll learn to take the next step towards it.

~antonette~

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post from my friendster blog

• December 15, 2008