Day 1. The Colour Changing Quill

I have been planning to write something like this ever since we parted ways. It's my way of releasing all the feelings i have within me. Coz i don't wanna bug other people anymore about how bitter am i over things, they might have grown tired of me crying, ranting, musing over the same things over and over again. Plus, I don't have you around to comfort me anymore.

I was wondering for 3 weeks now, how you've been since we last had  those conversations over the phone wherein you're telling me I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU. And i asked you to just understand me instead coz i was hurting and i needed those moments for me to atleast express everything. However, time didn't let me and  what happened was that we just lost contact and all.

You've been trying to avoid me ever since. The last message i could remember me telling you is the one saying you shouldn't be asking how am i doing anymore coz YOU NO LONGER CARE. Just like that message written in my head saying, "THE MORE YOU SHOULD GET OVER IT, COZ I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.". Exactly how you've said it.

Hmmmm.

I miss you. That is not wrong to say, i guess. That's how i feel right now. I'm missing you badly. I was at work last night and you were in my head again, half of the time. I should refrain from doing that. I won't be able to work properly if that continued. And i should tell you too, to stop bugging me at work.

It was cold last night at work and i just remembered you again. YOU KNOW WHY?

I remembered during those days when we were reviewing for the Nursing Licensure Exam at CBRC and i would feel cold. You would grab my hand. Hold it tightly and tuck it inside your jacket pocket. And last night as i mused on that thought, my hands were freezing cold. No one's there to keep it warm. I also remembered during those final coaching days where you would lean on my lap and sleep despite the fact that a lot of people could see you doing that. Those times where you would put your hands around me as you lean on me to sleep.

Nothing. They just bumped my head last night. And my heart freaked out again.
You know how fragile my heart is. And how shallow i am when it comes to crying.

one picture i never get the chance to see until now.

I was wondering, why did you have to pick that picture from your trunk and post it as your profile picture? I have nothing against it. I was just wondering. Maybe you'll just answer the same line you told me when i asked you why did you say you miss me that time. Hmmmm.

I think we have a group picture, the six of us who reviewed here in Manila, but you chose it. That was just one of the pictures taken from your sister's (ate Tin's) phone right? We didn't have that much picture take from it anyway.

*sigh*

so enough i have to ready myself for work.
I hope you're doing great.
And i hope you're always okay.

~just me,
Nat