I am not good at lying. But ever since, i started to continuously lie. To everyone. TO myself.
what's really hard to keep doing is to keep lying to the one and only soul who knows me more than anybody else.
That is my very own self.
Coz i know what's deep inside.
I know what i am hiding.
I know what i am running away from.
I wonder why i was always good with giving advice to others and i can't even follow my own advice.
Two days after knowing that i passed the nursing board exam.
Yet i feel so alone again. Back to where i used to.
When in fact i was doing well for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know why.
But maybe because of the fact i had a conversation with him again.
And that feeling i have been trying to suppress or forget woke up again.
which should not be the case.
Plus the fact that i saw something i should have not seen and should have not known.
Stop it Nat.
Wake up.
He's gone right?
He's gone.
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