It is not new for me to be crying on a
December. For the past years on the same month i have spent some ample time
musing over things which made me breakdown. Nevertheless, i am having one of my
loneliest Decembers ever. I have never felt more alone in my life. I could not
count how many times have I burst into sobs. How many times have i cried myself
to sleep? *shrugs*
How many times have I wished that I’d be just
my old happy self again.
I have learned how to silently deal with the
pain. I have learned how to tell stories a lot of times and on how to really display
i am doing great. I am because people never really saw me cry. A lot have seen
me shed tears, yes. But, the cry which is not being contained - no one ever
did. And if only my room could speak it would tell you how hard it is for me to
be watching myself every night shut these eyes with fingers crossed that i
would directly sleep and not think of anything else anymore. If only my pillows
could talk, it would take you forever for them to be able to narrate how I would
squeeze them every time I would feel helpless.
It seemed like i delighted so much in the
pain now that it grew as a habit. It is an illness. And soon enough it will
turn out to be a disease - a contagious one.
I would like to say sorry.
Sorry that i was selfish, i forgot to think
about how you would feel, for i let the pain i was feeling to eat me up. I
apologize for whatever pain i have caused you or for whatever change i have
brought because things got out of control. I sincerely apologize. It's what i have been meaning to do all along. I really am sorry.
It felt like i have been writing a fiction
right from the outset. And how i wish everything was fictional right now.
So, I am going to close my eyes and dream
where my rainbow ends.
No comments:
Post a Comment